monday motivation.

Pic from last October. Dress from Backroad Boutique.

i’m so glad i live in a world where there are octobers.

anne of green gables, l.m. montgomery

happy october, loves!  i’m a die-hard summer baby – give me the beach or a pool (or any body of water, let’s be honest) and a day full of sun and i’m a happy girl – but there’s something about this time of year that makes me feel incredibly content and cozy.  a new season brings all kinds of new possibilities.

it’s the perfect opportunity for all of us to reevaluate the things that are most important to us, and find ways to become more purposeful towards those things.  so clear out those negative people and negative conversations, say no when you want to (and especially when you need to), and surround yourself with good things and good people.

#MondayMantra

everyday magic

the best parts of my weekend consisted of spending the day with both of my sisters on saturday, and then helping my parents build their deck on sunday.  and sleeping twelve hours on saturday night, after a long day at the helotes marketplace.

it would be easy to gripe about my long weekend, to complain that i never have time to myself or i’m always on the go.  that’s a life i enjoy, being in constant motion, so to complain about it would be hypocritical.  so when a little bit of that crankiness from not having time to relax began to settle in, i rerouted my thoughts and remembered how happy, how content, how focused i was in the moments i spent with my family, working towards a common goal.

it’s so important to find the magic in every day life.  there’s so much out there right now that can get us down, and it feels like we’re all moving at the speed of light.  it’s hard to see the stars shinin’ under the storm brewin’ sometimes.

but y’all, the magic is always there.  sometimes you just gotta look for it, sometimes you gotta make it yourself.

#MondayMantra: happy new year!

“for what it’s worth:  it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be.  there’s no time limit, stop whenever you want.  you can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing.  we can make the best or the worst of it.  and i hope you see the things that startle you.  i hope you feel things you never felt before.  i hope you meet people with a different point of view.  i hope you live a life your proud of.  if you find that you’re not, i hope you have the courage to start all over again.”

-f. scott fitzgerald

i resolve to change nothing.

2017 was a year i could be proud of.  i said yes when i wanted, or no when i didn’t.  i traveled, and loved, and laughed.  laughed a lot, actually.  that’s part of the reason i chose the above photo from our trip to l.a. to do this post – i was laughing so hard at my sister because she was freaking out that i jumped up on this tiny ledge just to get a pic with the city in the background.  it was a chance, and a memory i’ll probably never forget.

this isn’t to say that i didn’t struggle.  because i did.  a lot.  but the struggle never outweighed the lessons or the memories.  i feel like this is the first year (and i hate to be so cliché about this, but it is what it is) that i really felt like myself.  part of it is that i stopped taking birth control in 2016, so my body is finally my body and i don’t feel as on edge as i used to, but there’s also the part that is that i wasn’t wasting away in a relationship that wasn’t meant for me.  if my 20s were about being in fruitless relationships, then i hope that my 30s are about this feeling i have right now, sitting alone in my bed, reveling in the knowledge that i can create my own happiness.  and by that i mean that if i never fall in love with another guy, i can still have all the things that i want and i can still leave the legacy that i wish to.

f. scott may have been a crappy husband and father, but he certainly knew his shit.  we are completely in control of ourselves, if nothing else, and that is enough.  there were a million times that i wished i could’ve been in a different situation, but i had to accept what i had to work with and just live.  and evolve.

so, instead of resolutions, i instead intend to live this next year with resolve.  i intend to continue to take chances, to put my heart on the line, to write, to love, to travel, and, most importantly, to grow.  i intend to live with a kind heart and an open mind.  i intend to live in such a way that when my time comes i leave this place better than when i arrived.  i intend to live a life i’m proud of.

happy new year, y’all.

#MondayMantra

i promise i haven’t forgotten y’all.  i’ve just been struggling with my voice lately.  there’s so much i want to say, and so much i don’t want to say, and it’s hard to toe the line between the two.  but i promise to make more of an effort, even just for my own sanity, because it’s really hard to focus with all the words jumbled up in my mind.

i used to think that you had to hold back and wait for special moments to do things that felt special, like drinking an expensive glass of wine, or admitting how much a person means to you, but i don’t believe that anymore.  sometimes i give way more of myself than feels comfortable, and for a minute or two i wish i hadn’t, but i’ve learned that moments are fleeting, and things could change without a second’s notice.  and i’ve learned that there’s courage in being open and honest, and sometimes it just makes you feel good to say the words out loud (or over text) and know that you gave yourself a fighting chance.

so now, i book the flights/hotels/roadtrips when the fancy strikes, and i burn the expensive candle because i love the way it smells and that sensory experience warms my heart, and i buy last minute tickets to a concert out-of-town because live music is my happiest place.  and maybe i’m still alone, and maybe i’m a little bit lonely (even when i’m with my loved ones), but i know how to make myself happy and that’s enough for me.

#MondayMantra

baby girl, ain’t a one of us who has time for half-assed ANYthing.  whether it be friendship, workouts, projects, or a relationship.  you have to look at it from an all-or-nothing point-of-view to determine if it’s worth your time and effort.

some people are afraid of taking the plunge into something because they can’t control the outcome (i’m one of these people, too, in some instances).  they’re worried that they’ll ruin whatever good thing they already have, or that they’ll lose more than they’ll gain.  now, we can and will never be able to 100% predict the outcome of any action or inaction.  there are far too many what-ifs to be entirely accurate.  so why hold back?  why deny yourself the chance of something greater than your current situation because there’s a chance it could go bad?

i think what i need, or want, or am looking for, is a knight and a sword.  someone who is ready and willing to ride into battle with me, but also ready and willing to ride into battle for me.  someone who understands that sometimes “i’m tired,” means that i haven’t had enough sleep because of all the things i’m involved in, and sometimes “i’m tired,” means that i’m figuratively tired of doing all the things that i have to do on my own or without much help or appreciation, and just need a hug, a good meal, a beer, and a netflix binge.  i haven’t experienced that kind of love, yet.

what i have experienced a lot of is half-assed lovers.  people who were too afraid to lose what i brought to the table, and who weren’t willing to put in 100% effort to create a bond that is unbreakable.  now, i believe in seasons in life.  i believe that sometimes we meet a person who is good for us in the moment that we are in, but they aren’t always meant to move on with us to the next season.  but i also believe in a forever kind of love. i believe in a partnership rooted in taking a chance, in the adventurous spirit, in magic mixed with enough mayhem to change your life’s course.

i’m good with how i handle the good and bad in my life, right now, in this season of my life, where i am enjoying being on my own and rediscovering who i am.  but i know there’s someone out there who i want to share that with, too.  and i think it’s ok to be a little bit picky about who that person is, especially because i’ve waited so long to share my life with them.

so, ask yourself, is there any area in your life (or love-life) that feels like it’s not at 100%?  if so, then i challenge you to do something about it.  maybe that means you move on from it, maybe that means you prioritize it more in your routine.  but don’t just let it dwindle under half-assed attention, love.  you’ll feel so much lighter if you take the time to give the things that are important to you more attention, and rid yourself of the things (or the people) that you can do without.

#MondayMantra.

via.

i didn’t have the heart to post anything last week.  i struggled to create content for my instagram and for our shop’s social media pages.  it didn’t feel right, so i spent the week reflecting and thinking about the victims and what i could do as an individual person to help the current situation in our country.  it’s tough, and without getting too far into it, i was feeling really insignificant.

but the more i thought about it, the more i realized that my one contribution that i could make to society would be to treat others kindly, even when i’m not feeling my best, and to continue to love and appreciate life.  if my joie de vivre affects just one person in a positive way, then that’s sharing the light, that’s leaving a legacy.

we have to turn our pain into activism.  and by that i don’t mean that we all have to stand on the steps of congress every day of our lives.  i just mean that we need to funnel our energy into positive actions in our communities, in the lives of the people we encounter on a daily basis, even in our own homes.  right now, we only have lucas, and he’s the light of all of our lives.  i can only hope that he learns from his grandparents and aunties and momma how to love, how to be sensitive, how to be strong, how to foster and project positivity.  and it’s rough in this day and age, when so much anger and destruction is in our face on social media and the news every single day.  we didn’t grow up with that, but now it’s a constant in our lives and we have to train ourselves to not let these things weigh us down and keep us from having faith in humanity.

what if, instead of sharing negative news…what if we tried to share one positive news story a day?  there are tons of them out there.  there are veterans helping other veterans cope with ptsd (i cried when i watched this episode of returning the favor).  there are dogs who are rescued, there are children who host lemonade stands and use the proceeds to buy coffee for their local law enforcement officers, there are mothers helping mothers who can’t produce breast milk.  the list goes on and on.  these stories inspire us, they encourage us to make positive changes in our lives, they foster hope.

and we need so much more hope right now.  so, i hope you can go out there, and take whatever pain you’ve been carrying, and channel it into something proactive.  go be a precious soul, loves.  share your light.

#MondayMantra

phew.  it’s been a tough few weeks, emotionally & mentally.  i think i just might be drained, and spreading myself too thin in some areas of my life, but i have a hard time letting things go, so i’m really just trying to find a way to reorganize, prioritize, and move forward.  i’m trying so hard to not burn out, which i think is why i’ve been so emotional lately.  vicious cycle, no?

i posted something about dating in san antonio on my facebook page over the weekend that resulted in a lot of comments.  i originally posted it to be funny and not self-deprecating or pitiful, but the post ended up showing me that a lot of my female peers are feeling the same way about dating.  that is – we’re not meeting the right guy, but it’s not entirely because they aren’t out there, we just aren’t ready to meet them yet.  on one hand, i have a lot of love to give, on the other, i haven’t met the person who i would like to share my free time with.  i’ve been a little “selfish” with my free time, because i think it’s important to put myself first right now.  so i feel like it’s okay for me to be silly, or “amusing” about my love life (or lack-thereof) because sometimes my experiences are amusing.  and as i’ve always said, we only get one life, so why not enjoy it?

my point is this, coco chanel had it right.  we can get caught up in all the “need-to’s” and “want-to’s” (“i need to do this, i want to do that”), but at the end of the day, if we’re not amusing ourselves and our loved ones, then maybe we need to take a step back and re-evaluate.  don’t let the hard times get you down.  take your time, recover, and keep on truckin’.