#metoo

image:  @kellyetz via:  @theeverygirl.

over the weekend, i saw someone post this:

“Me too.

If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote “Me too” as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.

Please copy/paste.

#MeToo

so i reposted it.

then i started feeling sick and spent the next 24 hours sleeping off what i believe to be exhaustion mixed with allergies and the beginnings of a sinus infection.  i missed monday’s posts, and most of what was circulating around Facebook.  when i finally signed on to Facebook and saw what some of my friends and family had each posted (and in some instances, tagged me in) i was glad to have missed a full day of social media.

the truth is, so many people have experienced or been affected by sexual assault and harassment.  this isn’t just something that straight women encounter.  my guess is that every person in the world has either witnessed a sexual assault or harassment, or been a victim of sexual assault or harassment, men and women alike.

so many will ask, why speak up now?  or they may be dismissive of the recounted tales of victims being posted over and over again on their newsfeed.  this pains me.  how can we trivialize another person’s trauma?  how can we tell them to get over it, or move on, or tell them they were probably asking for it?  how can we blame them?  those of us who are victims of sexual harassment would be hard-pressed to forget it, as for many of us it happens every single day.

it happens to me at the grocery store.  it happens to me at the gas station.  it happens to me in my very own front yard.

and then there are the places where we know it happens.  music festivals are notorious for their high incidents of sexual assault.  i know i’ve had my ass grabbed under my skirt, dress, or shorts, a number of times in large crowds at festivals.  and there certainly have been a lot of times where i’ve felt a guy rub up against me from behind.  this has happened to me in clubs and bars as well.

where are we supposed to be safe?  not in the workplace, as we’ve seen from the headlines the last few weeks regarding harvey weinstein – and he’s certainly not the only person who has used their power to sexually assault others employed by them.  not in schools, as we’ve seen from the numerous cases of students being assaulted by other students, faculty, etc. – and their perpetrators laughable punishments.  not in our homes.  not in our grocery stores.  not at the gas station.

the problem is that for so long we have made sexual assault and harassment a “woman’s problem”.  we’ve taught our daughters to be hyper-vigilant, to carry rape whistles, to not wear revealing clothing.  but it’s not just a “woman’s problem”.  it’s everyone’s problem.  as we’ve learned from the harvey weinstein case, so many people were aware of what he was doing, and didn’t say anything.  this is far from being singular to this one case.  think of all the times you heard of or saw something that made you feel uncomfortable, but you didn’t say anything.

this is what we’re asking by sharing our stories.  we want you, all of you, men, women, non-binary, alike, to roar with us.  we’re tired of living in the shadows, of being afraid to speak out for fear of retaliation or that our words will be diminished by those who are afraid to take a stand with us.  “boys will be boys” is not a thing anymore.  we won’t stand for it.  we’re tired of always being on edge when we’re alone.  we’re tired of men making decisions about our bodies, when they can barely speak about menstruation or sexual pleasure without embarrassment or any knowledge of the female anatomy.  we’re tired of being told to dress a certain way, to only run in groups, to carry mace or rape whistles, to worry about date rape drugs, to not speak up for fear of losing our careers.  we’re tired of being secondary citizens, of not having these conversations with our fathers, our brothers, our friends.

we want you to stand with us.  we want you to speak out with us.  we want you to take all the anger you have ever felt once you got over your surprise that your mother, sister, daughter, friend experienced something like this, and we want you to use it.  use it to help us change the current rape culture in our society.  use it to help us educate our children, so that we can make this world a better place for them.  because this isn’t going away.  we won’t forget, we won’t be silenced, and we won’t back down.

#MondayMantra.

via.

i didn’t have the heart to post anything last week.  i struggled to create content for my instagram and for our shop’s social media pages.  it didn’t feel right, so i spent the week reflecting and thinking about the victims and what i could do as an individual person to help the current situation in our country.  it’s tough, and without getting too far into it, i was feeling really insignificant.

but the more i thought about it, the more i realized that my one contribution that i could make to society would be to treat others kindly, even when i’m not feeling my best, and to continue to love and appreciate life.  if my joie de vivre affects just one person in a positive way, then that’s sharing the light, that’s leaving a legacy.

we have to turn our pain into activism.  and by that i don’t mean that we all have to stand on the steps of congress every day of our lives.  i just mean that we need to funnel our energy into positive actions in our communities, in the lives of the people we encounter on a daily basis, even in our own homes.  right now, we only have lucas, and he’s the light of all of our lives.  i can only hope that he learns from his grandparents and aunties and momma how to love, how to be sensitive, how to be strong, how to foster and project positivity.  and it’s rough in this day and age, when so much anger and destruction is in our face on social media and the news every single day.  we didn’t grow up with that, but now it’s a constant in our lives and we have to train ourselves to not let these things weigh us down and keep us from having faith in humanity.

what if, instead of sharing negative news…what if we tried to share one positive news story a day?  there are tons of them out there.  there are veterans helping other veterans cope with ptsd (i cried when i watched this episode of returning the favor).  there are dogs who are rescued, there are children who host lemonade stands and use the proceeds to buy coffee for their local law enforcement officers, there are mothers helping mothers who can’t produce breast milk.  the list goes on and on.  these stories inspire us, they encourage us to make positive changes in our lives, they foster hope.

and we need so much more hope right now.  so, i hope you can go out there, and take whatever pain you’ve been carrying, and channel it into something proactive.  go be a precious soul, loves.  share your light.

vegas.


i’m struggling, today, to put thought into words, and words into sentences.  i woke up tired, and sore.  i got dressed, listened to my favorite program (the second date update on a local radio station), laughed my butt off, contemplated listening to a podcast for the rest of my drive, but instead switched the channel to a local country music station.  i then heard of the terrible tragedy that occurred last night in las vegas at the route 91 harvest festival.  i immediately went into shock, to the point where i’m not 100% sure i remember the rest of my drive into work.  my heart sank, i messaged my family; we’ve talked about how crazy it is, how close to home it hits, how much our hearts hurt.

i don’t know what to say.  we love vegas, the girls and i try to go there once a year.  our parents were just there to celebrate their anniversary.  corinne’s best friend is planning to have her bachelorette party there in the spring.  we love country music, we grew up on george strait, garth brooks, patsy cline.  we go to festivals all the time.  we go to concerts all the time.  we never think twice about our safety, other than to use an uber or a dd. this isn’t the world I want for my nephew or my future children. this isn’t the legacy i want us to leave behind. 

i will say this, and i’ve said it before, i won’t be scared into staying home.  we don’t know what the shooter’s motive was, yet, but regardless, people will use this senseless tragedy to say all the reasons why we should do this, or shouldn’t do that.  but i won’t change my life because there is evil in this world.  i would rather let my light shine a little brighter, with all the other people who are letting their light shine bright, than sit home in darkness.  music and live music venues are meant to be places of refuge.  where people of different backgrounds, different socioeconomic status, different beliefs come together and unite in their love for their favorite musicians, songs, poetry.

garth brooks posted a live video on facebook earlier and in it he said that his advice to those who had to play shows tonight and weren’t sure what to do was that, “the show must go on.” and he’s right. i wholeheartedly agree. people have always used music to get us through the darkest times and we will continue to. from having a bad day and blasting your fave band to tuning in to benefit concerts in the wake of tragedy, we will always have music, always have poetry, always have that sense of community that unites us. 

so go to your concerts. go to your festivals. dance beneath the moonlight, and sing til you lose your voice. go out and live, babes. i wish that for you, me, for everyone.

my heart and my thoughts are with the victims and their families, with the first responders and their families, with the country music community, the vegas community, and all those affected by this senseless tragedy. 

#MondayMantra

phew.  it’s been a tough few weeks, emotionally & mentally.  i think i just might be drained, and spreading myself too thin in some areas of my life, but i have a hard time letting things go, so i’m really just trying to find a way to reorganize, prioritize, and move forward.  i’m trying so hard to not burn out, which i think is why i’ve been so emotional lately.  vicious cycle, no?

i posted something about dating in san antonio on my facebook page over the weekend that resulted in a lot of comments.  i originally posted it to be funny and not self-deprecating or pitiful, but the post ended up showing me that a lot of my female peers are feeling the same way about dating.  that is – we’re not meeting the right guy, but it’s not entirely because they aren’t out there, we just aren’t ready to meet them yet.  on one hand, i have a lot of love to give, on the other, i haven’t met the person who i would like to share my free time with.  i’ve been a little “selfish” with my free time, because i think it’s important to put myself first right now.  so i feel like it’s okay for me to be silly, or “amusing” about my love life (or lack-thereof) because sometimes my experiences are amusing.  and as i’ve always said, we only get one life, so why not enjoy it?

my point is this, coco chanel had it right.  we can get caught up in all the “need-to’s” and “want-to’s” (“i need to do this, i want to do that”), but at the end of the day, if we’re not amusing ourselves and our loved ones, then maybe we need to take a step back and re-evaluate.  don’t let the hard times get you down.  take your time, recover, and keep on truckin’.

friday.

is it really the last weekend of summer?  down here in the lone star state you can hardly tell!  doesn’t mean i haven’t been rotating my fall pieces into my outfits already…so excited to get back to cozy knits, jeans, and booties.  i just bought this mossimo supply co. cardigan at target and have probably worn it every day of the week in my office – it’s my new favorite layering piece!  the guys keep it pretty chilly around here, so it’s come in great use!  of course, i’m still rocking crop tops and shorts on the weekends, sooooo…cooler weather can’t get here too soon.

that sweater wasn’t the only thing i bought this week.  i’ve been feeling a little down lately, a little bummed out the last few weeks, and pretty stressed on top of it all.  i’m going to try to put it all into words to share with y’all, but can i just say that liking someone who doesn’t like you back or isn’t ready to like you back, or not really meeting someone you click with and want to share your experiences with, or training again after a few months off from running – it can all put a little damper on your heart.  life’s tough, for sure, but i suppose i’m a little tougher so i’m not worried about getting through it all.  in the meantime – i did a whole lot of retail therapy, and i’m not too sure i’m done yet, lol.  oops!  can’t wait for all my cute new things to come in, though. 😉

this weekend i’ll be cheering on the utsa roadrunners with my family and working on a couple different projects, plus trying to get through this book.

hope y’all have a festive end-of-summer weekend, loves!

xoCandice

  • because i’m just ever-so-slightly excited for fall – the every girl’s 2017 fall bucket list.
  • i’ve told y’all that i started training for the san antonio rock n roll half-marathon.  this week was the first week of my official training plan, and i woke up 3 mornings this week to run with my dad.  of course twice he didn’t get up and i ended up running after work, once with melissa and once alone.  also this week a woman was sexually assaulted running a trail in one of the parks in san antonio.  so i’ve been very vocal on Facebook about the culture of female runners and this runner’s world article just said everything i think and feel and want others to know.
  • young colin firth is all the heart eye emojis.
  • turnpike troubadours just released yet another amazing new song.  i’m in love.
  • you better believe i’m making room in my closet for these adorable boots i found in junk gypsy‘s shop.

ghosted [excerpts from a book i’ll never write – eighteen]

she looked him

d e a d

in the eye

and said,

“i sat there in that room,

waiting for you to show up.

i didn’t ask you to.

i couldn’t.

i knew if i did you’d show up,

but you wouldn’t really be there.

you’d be upset i dragged you into it,

as if you weren’t partially to blame.

so, though it killed,

i sat there alone,

waiting for you to want to be there,

for me.  for us.

i can never forget,

never forgive you,

for that day in february,

i sat there,

in a cold, dark room,

not alone, but alone.

and i cried.  big, ugly, quiet tears.

because you never showed up.”