i promise i haven’t forgotten y’all. i’ve just been struggling with my voice lately. there’s so much i want to say, and so much i don’t want to say, and it’s hard to toe the line between the two. but i promise to make more of an effort, even just for my own sanity, because it’s really hard to focus with all the words jumbled up in my mind.
i used to think that you had to hold back and wait for special moments to do things that felt special, like drinking an expensive glass of wine, or admitting how much a person means to you, but i don’t believe that anymore. sometimes i give way more of myself than feels comfortable, and for a minute or two i wish i hadn’t, but i’ve learned that moments are fleeting, and things could change without a second’s notice. and i’ve learned that there’s courage in being open and honest, and sometimes it just makes you feel good to say the words out loud (or over text) and know that you gave yourself a fighting chance.
so now, i book the flights/hotels/roadtrips when the fancy strikes, and i burn the expensive candle because i love the way it smells and that sensory experience warms my heart, and i buy last minute tickets to a concert out-of-town because live music is my happiest place. and maybe i’m still alone, and maybe i’m a little bit lonely (even when i’m with my loved ones), but i know how to make myself happy and that’s enough for me.