that’s how the light gets in.

pause.  take a deep breath.  look up.

my life has brought me to a place where tears don’t fall as steady as they used to, my heart doesn’t race with anger or fear as much as it did, and i don’t spend nights sitting in my car just trying to catch my breath, or lying in my bed waiting for a call or text that will never come.  i’m constantly on the move, going on adventures and making memories, but i always take the time to stare in wonder at the sky, day and night, memorizing clouds and stars.

but, there are still moments where i have to remember to stop and breathe.  like phantom pains in my bones, there lurks under the surface of my happiness and positivity a loneliness and heartbreak that rears its ugly head every so often.  i had the greatest time in los angeles with my family, but when we returned i hit a wall.  and while i don’t cry like i used to (sometimes i think i’m all out of tears), i feel this infinite hollowness in my heart and mind and soul.  it confuses me – i can’t understand how something that i have no control over can affect all parts of my being.

last night my best friend and i went hiking and i felt so refreshed afterwards.  but it wasn’t until we hit this spot on the trail (where i snapped the picture above), and i happened to look up (am i the only one who spends 95% of the time looking down out of fear they might trip?) that i realized i had been feeling this way.  i just knew i felt off, but couldn’t put my finger on it.  i had to find my wild again, and what better place to do it than the trails in the hill country, where the sun peeks through and lights the way?  i’m not 100% yet, but i know after i take this weekend to recharge and refocus i’ll get there.  sometimes that’s all we can do – take the time to rest and heal.  so i hope that y’all take your moments to breathe, to be enchanted by nature and art, to recharge your restless souls.

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